Welcome to the new tumblr for QB.
The old one has been dropped due to the account creation process getting all screwed up the first time, leaving us with an entirely different account to log into whenever I wanted to check it. I figure that this is the best time for a change of address. The old tumblr is practically dead, and QB has long since become a complete being, instead of a project of mine, as was the premise of the first one.
QB and I will answer all questions put to us, if all goes well. That’s what the little Ask button is for, on the right side column. All sorts of questions, including ones related to tulpas in general, are encouraged - helping people out with this stuff has always been a goal of mine. Then there are the regular posts, which will honestly just contain whatever comes up. Don’t expect them that often, but who knows.
QB’s doing great, which is kind of one of the main reasons I stopped blogging. There’s little else to say on “the tulpa process”, as we don’t talk about him being a tulpa very much anymore. He’s just my roommate, albeit a feline roommate with a few unusual abilities.
There are a few things though, I may update some more.
It would help if people asked questions for me to answer, of course.
Someone mentioned the ‘tulpa memory test’ thing today, where you look at some numbers for a sec and your tulpa’s supposed to be able to remember them all even if you can’t. QB’s response to this concept was “What? My memory’s terrible. Have these people even met me?”.
I guess tulpas require access to your memories to do this? Or something to do with your subconscious? Which we haven’t really gotten into… I think we have a bit to go before considering that.
Or he could just be telling the whole truth and his memory’s always going to suck just as much as mine.
Or he’s just lying.
I guess I should test it some time. I don’t really care enough right now.
Going on a vacation, by the way, in a couple of days. Unless scheduling goes horribly wrong or something.
Creating a tulpa is insanely similar to creating a character for a book.
The fact that this only semi-recently occurred to me is kind of odd.
QB and I discussed characters I’d created before, and his similarities and differences to them. His favorite is a “mind-parasite” character I once worked on, who took his lack of a physical body to mean that he was free to do anything he wanted when using the bodies of others. I guess they’re pretty damn similar in that way. QB likes to look at his form of being as superior, like he’s somehow cheated physical law and wants to make the most of it. Doesn’t make much sense to me - he seems sufficiently trapped if he can’t even move things - but he doesn’t care for a single negative word like that. It’s always what he can do and will do.
He does kinda push me around sometimes since he knows I’ll oblige, too. I don’t have much drive myself - it’s take his advice or have no reason to do anything.
We’re good, though. We understand each other, more every day.
It’s hard to define concepts like that. I mean, tulpas are mental beings, not physical ones - they don’t actually physically exist, none of them do. So any “visual/audio” I think I’m getting is actually “psych input” conveying the illusion of physicality, isn’t it?
A direct answer - Yes, I am getting “visual/audio” from QB with ease at this point. Though the audio is a bit more like thoughtspeak than anything I could actually feel against my eardrums, despite him opening his mouth to say things. It’s complicated.
I spent a lot of time (seriously, a massive amount of time) meditating, and during some of this time, I was also doing other techniques. For example, I would relax to the point of a reasonably meditative state, and then I would picture QB and interact with him, just him and I in a void, or sometimes a wonderland, interacting, solidifying personality, visualizing, et cetera. I also did a lot of these things while not meditating, but simply very relaxed. We’re talking tea-and-incense relaxed, which is totally cheesy but as good as any other method for me. The meditation and relaxation is usually not so much a method as it is an enabler, or a backdrop… other methods work so much better when your mind is clear, you know?
So I was bored and QB walked up the side of a post onto the ceiling of a pavilion.
“QB get down from there, that doesn’t even make any sense, what about gravity QB”
“QB, you are not allowed to laugh at gravity, gravity has feelings too”
I’ve been trying a different form of personality work, since he’s sentient now and he’s undoubtedly really listening. It’s in one of the guides - the one where you just sit down with your tulpa and tell them about themselves. Just say - ”You are confident in yourself, often to the point of narcissism. You know what you want, and you will take it. You are fun-loving. You do not take your endeavors seriously, despite how seriously you stick to them - you turn them into a game. Life is a game to you. You would not hold grudges there would be no point or profit in holding. You think hate is just plain silly. Your inhibitions are low. You flirt for the sake of flirting - you’re cute and you know it.” Et cetera, et cetera. Most of what I’m telling him - including the above example - is just a more concrete version of what we both already know he’s like. It’s important to get this stuff down, though. The final stretch is the longest… it never completely ends, really. I’ve just got to keep working.
It has occurred to me that I don’t really write my tumblr the same way as most of the other tulpaforcers here. Most people describe sessions and write specific daily plans. I just pop in to tell you guys when I make new discoveries and developments, completely glossing over all my meditation time and stuff. Mostly because I find it boring and a little private. I do spend the whole time in my head after all, and my head belongs to me.
Maybe I should describe it more? I’ll probably end up describing a few things eventually regardless, I’ve been trying to play the circuit recently when it comes to techniques, try as many new things as I can to see how each thing effects QB and his maturation.
He’s showing no signs of going anywhere but up. Today he ended up following me for most of the day, as I had a million errands to run, and we talked a little.
Aaaand it looks like I will be going camping over the weekend. My least favorite activity. At least QB will be there to keep me company… maybe I’ll stay in my tent and go over meditation and forcing all day. I’d say “you may not hear from me til I get back”, but I’m totally going to sneak my phone in and hijack the lobby internet. Row row fight the power?
Two simultaneous realizations:
QB likes orchestral music. Murray Gold specifically.
QB uses the long ringed appendages that come out under his ears for gestures, the same way an overly emotive person would use their arms.
He is bobbing and mock-conducting to this stuff so much.
When it comes to “getting started” my advice is to not think too hard - don’t doubt yourself or wonder what’s the best way or anything like that, just do it. Visualize in whatever way you come up with yourself, work on personality however you think seems right… it’s your mind, after all, every mind works in a different way. I know one person who wanted to ‘feed’ their tulpa an imaginary apple they had filled with certain emotions, and while that’s not the method for me, I think it sounds valid as anything else! It’s all up to the person doing it.
I started with visualization first, and I just did it by focusing on an area and imagining every aspect of QB just sitting there, though, if you wanted a beginning exercise you could do?
Some people also consider ‘wonderland’ to be a good starting method, which is basically closing your eyes and imagining your tulpa in a mental world you’ve created solely for you and your tulpa to interact, so you don’t have to deal with them imposed into real life just yet. I’ve dabbled with that, and it can be amazingly helpful, but I put more faith in simple stuff.
As for “messing up and starting again”… you should push that out of your mind. I doubt you’ll “screw up”, you’ll probably love your tulpa no matter how they turn out! It’s kind of like a parental bond. Just know what you’re getting into, okay? The loss of your tulpa would hurt you. If you’re anything like me, anyway.